Standing In the Shadow of Male Ambivalence On My Sensuality

My dear friend Nancy says that she loves reading about my dating escapades. Trust me, they are often not picnics … these attempts to connect with the opposite sex.

I rarely respond to online ads, but a couple weeks ago, I contacted a guy who wrote a most intriguing post.  We exchanged pics, two emails each and met for drinks at the Soho Grand Hotel.

A Good Appetizer

Walking into the bar, we shared split second nods of physical appreciation; drinks were ordered; and we got down to conversation.

He asked me about my consulting work and trends that interest me. Why must I go first, taking all the risk to discuss what’s hot, and what’s not with American women?

I talked about the growing intersection of beauty, wellness and sexuality. Simply stated, science is providing us with increasing research that good sex is good for your health.

I mentioned my April trip to a Paris, beauty-industry tradeshow. Laughing, I explained that women will soon be smearing our beautiful lips with libido-enhancing lip gloss.

A Desire to Improve the Main Course

Generally speaking, there’s a strong movement brewing in America to upgrade the sensual shopping experience.

One of NYC Soho’s newest concept stores, the chic and elegant Kiki de Montparnasse merchandises $800 sofa throws with sensual apparatus that even I don’t understand. In Las Vegas I toyed with $300 vibrators and silk $75 bondage blindfolds in Steve Wynn’s new lingerie store Black Satin Intimates.

Especially In Rural America

Clearly, I’m guilty of believing that any blog from rural America is more authentic than my city-slicker journal. I took the bait on Red Tractor-USA’s satirical blog report that Wal-Mart will be selling sex toys. I swallowed the false story hook, line, and sinker because Wal-Mart has sold “sexual wellbeing products” as neck massagers for years.

There’s a good reason why Passion Parties is wildly successful in rural America.

The Knockout Punch: Hardly a Recipe for Success

Thinking this was way too much talk about sex for a first date, I turned the conversation to his work on Wall Street.

After explaining the world of insurance derivatives to me, my CEO whiz guy placed his Stoly next to my Black Label on the bar, and slumped back his chair, hands folded on his neck, to say:  “Anne, I’m very ambivalent about you. “

I recalled my recent writing class, ending with my adored teacher firing me in private lessons, because I was hours late with an assigment.

Me: Spicy But Lacking Genuine Flavor

“You are fabulous, sexy, beautiful, larger-than-life.” 

His four positives didn’t whitewash what was coming. I wasn’t fooled for a moment. I was reading his mind, a talent that’s served me well in corporate America.

When I was 21, my boyfriend gave me three gifts for my birthday. One of them was the book Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. Reading the book told me everything I needed to know about my futile, romantic future with this man.

Hess portrayed women as the ultimate temptress, eroding man’s spiritual gains by appealing to his desires. That’s a bad rap sheet for any woman to bear.

Now, here at the bar in the Soho Grand, I was having a second Siddhartha life moment.

Desire Creates Culinary Disasters

“I just don’t know what to say about a woman who thinks $300 vibrators are a justified life expense. (I didn’t say justified). A good life is not about material things, Anne.”

“I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking and reading about Buddhism this past month, and although I find you to be a fantastic woman, I can’t relate to what’s important to you.”

Always graceful under pressure, I ignored watering eyes and referred him to my recent AOC posting about South Beach. I have a clear understanding that expensive toys do not account for anything in life.

Dining With the Golden Buddha

Always the optimist, I attempted to salvage the evening, recalling two of the most important nights of my life: one in Marrakech, Morocco and the other in Chang Mai, Thailand.

My Chang Mai story included my discovery of a 10 ft. Golden Buddha and 500 flickering votive candles on my way to the bathroom. Completely overwhelmed, I fell to my knees in silence and awe for 30 minutes, before finally returning to the dinner table.

A 5-Star Meal
 
Reflecting now, I recall that my host — obviously a devout Buddhist with a private Buddha room — didn’t object to the nature of my work.

One of the richest men in Thailand, he arranged a meeting with me in his home, dismissing the help and cooking dinner for me, for one reason only. He welcomed my ability to create significant jobs in a country where the average monthly income at the time was $50.

I dare say that if I called this Thai industrialist and media owner today, asking him to produce rabbits with me, he would consider me an Angel of God, and not an obstacle to male enlightenment.

Someone Get a Fire Extinguisher

I wish I was the kind of woman who could say just “forgettaboutit”.

I told someone today that I typically don’t wear my heart on my shirt sleeve. Obviously, I lied. Mr. Soho Grand has impacted by appetite for days now.

Love,
Anne