Sexuality, Sensuality, Smarts, Sensitivity, Spirituality and Self

via Flickr’s Escape_to_Christel

Cashing in on S-Benefits

When the subject is maximizing human potential, society rarely struggles with spirituality, sensitivity and even smarts. Grabbing the other two s-drivers —  ‘sexuality’ and ‘sensuality’ — derails the established s-benefits, according to most religions, Conservatives and many philosophers.

Poets and other artists tend to view the priority order differently, with a warm shout out to the human self-development benefits of vice and sin — lived with meaning and intention, of course.

Wanton debauchery is not our Bible.

When I said enough about the state of my physical health and lifestyle, my s-drivers were silos waiting to be filled with more of their own seeds. Each existed in her own tall and narrow space, appalled at the thought of becoming granola. 

A highly creative person whose selves tend to run together in a fusion stew, I spent years trying to keep my key ingredients separate. Why? Because I had good s-drivers and less desirable ones. No need to contaminate the sterling. Can you guess which was which?

S-Driver Integration Project

My s-drivers existed in conflict with each rather, rather than in harmonic reconciliation and affirmation.

Unlike many women, I did see the sexy woman in the mirror, and I never lost my libido.

Did I hug my sensual self and hold her dear? Quite frankly, I loathed her in ways that stunned me when I unearthed our true feelings for each other. 

Sexuality and sensual awareness were deeply rooted in every aspect of my rehabilitation project, because they were the cement that threatened to drown me. The “good woman” morality mafia had taken its toll on me for years, and my health was the price of their crusade.

Then, I became a firefly.

Firefly and Serenity: Defying Gravity

Feeding the Roses

The life of a sensualist is complex. We’re ripe, robust organic gardens, surrounded by sanctimonious, finger-waving, patriarchal pundits trying to prune us into proper prototypes of human behavior.  

Ssssh! Spirituality is an s-driver, too, and I have my cell phone on the trip. You will find that I call the Big Guy Upstairs direct, whenever we are lost, which is easy enough in Provence.  Personally, I prefer a direct-line into the heavens. The connection is always clearer, with less static between the stars.

We travel with the peace flags of sex and sensuality on our hood ornaments, seeking only an armistice with the authorities.  No, no — not the French or Italians. No plenary indulgences are required for us in Europe. Other parts of the world — including America — we’re not so lucky. 

Enough politics and religion. Let’s talk sex. 

Sex and Sensuality

One of the complexities surrounding the general topic “health benefits of sex” is the proverbial chicken and egg theory. We know that healthier people engage in more sexual activity.

Does being healthier inspire sexual desire? Yes, in my case.

Does having more sex make you healthier? This is the research conundrum, although we have new answers every month concerning sex as a catalyst in promoting good health.

Many of our “30 health reasons to enjoy sex” are now medically confirmed as being causally-related.

Is good sex the exclusive cause behind a positive result in improved circulation, increased brain activity and a lessened chance of dementia?  No. Is it a potent activator? Yes, and the more ingenious your lovemaking, the better. Creativity grows dendrites, new connectors and activation points in the brain.

Having hashed out this subject with several male editors in 2005, I know the objections. They asked me:

1) If a man has sex three-times a week for 50 years, can I assure him that he will not drop dead of a heart attack at 71? No, I can’t. There is research confirming a higher probability that he won’t drop dead with frequent sex, but I can’t offer any guarantee.

2) Can I prove that a woman with a BMI of 35 — probably 40-50 pounds overweight — will have more orgasms if her BMI is 25, and she has lost the excess weight? Not with total certainty, but the Duke Medical Center has very direct evidence that even small losses of weight improve sexual desire and satisfaction among the obese, especially in women.

3) If a couple has hot, steamy sex three times a week, for 10 years running, can I assure them they won’t end up in divorce court. Nope. I can’t. Between you and me, my own relationship is testimony to that fact.

My conversations on this topic among some of the intellectual elite and naysayers, too,  have focused on the need for total certainty around the argument that high-quality, life-affirming sexual activity carries a pass against future disease and suffering. If the probability isn’t zero, my case is “pouf”.

To be frank, I’m not selling stocks here but more of an insurance plan. Most of life is about what I call the “grey middle”, a portfolio of life-sustaining activities with a high probability of giving us a long and healthy, robust life.

If you believe that living is a holistic process and not a linear one, then you don’t spend a lot of time arguing about chicken and egg stories.  If the research looks good, feels good, has clear health benefits and no known downsides, let’s stop the mental masturbation and engage in more creative sexual activity.