In response to earlier nonsense published this month that the female G-spot doesn’t exist, noted British sex researcher Dr. Petra helps us make sense of the headines with Where have all the g spots gone?
I stand by my earlier claims: The Research Is Rubbish! I Promise To Help You Find Your G-Spot. In writing these words, I’m not projecting any good or negative values about G-spot orgasms. And I’m not suggesting that if a woman doesn’t experience G-spot orgasms, she’s ‘less of a woman’.
My goal is to get women into their bodies — alone or with company.
Understanding the global need to control female sexuality is my top priority at Anne of Carversville. I admit feeling like the writer caught in the forever banging door into the restaurant kitchen, reading bad research and big headlines about female sexuality.
No sooner has the waiter crashed into me with a platter of dirty dishes, then the moaning and groaning begins from women, and not for good reasons.
I do understand that women are tired of being sexually dissected, but as grownup females, we remain unbelievably uncommitted to embracing the benefits of healthy sexuality — assuming that access to condoms and birth control exists.
Political and religious patriarchies are waging greater control than ever over female sexuality around the world. My advice to women in developed countries about exploring their sexuality is laughable when women are dying and raped in the Congo.
Yet, the goal is to get all the world’s women to a place of enjoying a positive sexuality, in my opinion.
Reflecting on the existence or not of G-spots, Dr Petra calls up Betty Dodson’s article The G-spot Revisited, an excellent read.
Being positive about G-spot possibilities, Dodson asks if G-spot orgasms aren’t just another word for vaginal orgasms. In many cases, I think ‘yes’, but the G-spot case isn’t some conspiracy against women to put men back in control of our orgasms.
I put my feminist credentials on the line with other women’s. With all due respect to my clitoris, I do believe in vaginal orgasms and have enjoyed them with no man or instrument within the vicinity of my clitoris. I know a vaginal orgams when I meet one.
When I read the no G-Spot articles, it annoyed the heck out of me for the simple reason that women struggle so hard to make peace with our own bodies.
I believe that any woman who explores her own body in detail over time — waging an ongoing commitment to really know and ‘own’ her physicality — has a good chance of concluding that she has a G-spot.
At least, as Dodson suggests, the woman will know that vaginal orgasms are not a myth and that she can experience orgasms that don’t come from clitoral stimulation but are centered in her vagina. Personally, I believe that G-spot vaginal orgasms are different from other vaginal orgasms, but I’m not a trained sex therapist.
I’ve enjoyed both orgasms and find G-spot orgasms more intense. Also, the pressure spots are clearly different for me.
Bottom line in this Sex Talk, sexual pleasure is good for you; all orgasms are good for you and they’re never the same way twice in a row. You don’t need any help having orgasms either, although a toy or two may be preferred. I reviewed first-hand a lot of new technology out there last week, and it’s amazing where the sex toy industry is moving.
Telling you that you can fly solo, a loving and intimate partner is a great addition to sexual activity, which I prefer not as recreation but as an expression of genuine intimacy. Other women disagree, embracing the idea of recreational sex with strangers or friend of the month.
So be it; different strokes for different folks. I’m only giving one lecture: know thyself!
The Challenges of Body Love
Because I am in touch with the body I previously hated, I’m crying when I read nonsense headlines that women don’t have a G-spot.
In about 2002-2003, I was shocked but oh-so-excited when I watched an Oprah show on sexuality. The details are recapped in my year-old Bio-identical Hormones Have Redefined Me.
Simply stated, Oprah and Dr Hilda Hutchinson told American women to get out a mirror and examine their private parts.
I suppose this advice assumes that you haven’t experienced FGM (female genital mutilitation), another hot topic at A of C. I confess ignorance about how to proceed in this situation, and I speculate enough as it is.
My own extended experience with self-creative, mirror therapy changed me forever. I admit that as a young woman, perhaps eight years old, I got out the mirror. But then I put it away for decades.
Back to Oprah who produced a spectacularly successful show on female sexuality nearly 10 years ago. We were coming out of the 15-year retreat on female sexuality, launched by Conservatives who moved aggressively to contain female sexuality after the second-wave women’s movement in America.
Good girls didn’t own mirrors except for keeping their hair properly combed.
Everything about this original Oprah show was platinum, including the post-show audience chat. No longer available, I used foortage from the videos in my consulting business, saying “finally, real change is coming.”
It’s Come Down to Vajayjays
Fast forward six-seven years and Oprah is calling her vagina a ‘vajayjay’ and squirming in her seat, making icky faces when Dr. Laura Berman suggests that women get out a mirror and explore their private parts.
Faced with weight gain, Oprah was struggling herself with a positive relationship with her own sexual body in front of viewers she had once inspired on the subject. The same happens with anoxeria. In either zone, women commonly detach from their physicality.
Totally exasperated, I yelled at Oprah on the TV screen, and felt American women sliding back to square one on the entire conversation of vaginal self-knowledge. If after all this time Oprah doesn’t have a positive relationship with her body, where does that leave the rest of us?
Admittedly then, I’m in the trenches on bad science and G-spots. To dismiss their reality because women saying they have G-spot orgasms are younger or exercise frequently is equally unscientific. Self-reported anecdotal evidence on any subject of female sexuality is worthless.
I will find the survey on women watching erotic movies. Women are hooked up to machines measuring arousal. Unlike men who say ‘yeah, I’m turned on’, women watching erotic films say ‘it’s disgusting; I hate these films.’
Guess what? The medical machines and brain scans all show women in a state of physical arousal, a condition she cannot admit in public.
Women in most countries of the world live in a psychological wasteland in understanding their own bodies 50 years after the publication of ‘Our Bodies, Ourselves.’
This is why I’m fighting for G-spots, vaginal orgasms, clitoral orgasms, masturbation and every other form of positive sexuality that I can discover. Once you embrace your sexuality, it’s no longer a burden but a fabulous gift from the heavens.
As women it’s true that owning our bodies is a relentless, exhausting battle. The forces in today’s world to control female sexuality are greater than ever and are increasing in the face of decreasing fertility rates in many countries and among educated women worldwide.
I’m on record saying When the Subject Is Controlling Women’s Bodies, It’s a Fight to the Finish.
Make no mistake — I’m not kidding around on this subject. Anne
Multi-vulva art visual from CuntLove blog