Anne Calls the Vatican About Kate Moss, Mummy Rocks & British Women

via The SunCan you imagine American women holding a Mummy Rocks charity bash, even for Great Ormond Street Hospital? Me neither.

What do you expect in a (truly delicious) country where 80% of women surveyed by netmums say they like to dress up for sex, and most often as a French maid. Properly inspired, Moss showed up in a black corset dress, with a black tuxedo jacket.

Decadent. Decadent. Decadent! Did I say ‘filth’.  British broads, would you PLEASE behave! You are a disgrance to our gender.

Kate hardly looked like a woman destined to have her own 2011 Parisian retrospective at the Musée des Arts Décoratifs. Presumably, they’ll clean her up for the occasion.

In fact, the tawdry night continued with Kate acting like a love-struck groupie when Clash legend Mick Jones rocked on stage.

The Sun reports that Kate finally grabbed the mic herself, “prompting raucous cheers from the mum gang.”

Kate’s partner Jamie Hince did his best to keep Moss in supermodel-status, ladylike mode but the effort became Mission Impossible.

Most important, Kate finally delivered on last year’s benefit kiss purchased at auction for £5,000.

Unlike Charlize Theron, who became so disgusted with low charity-event bids for box seats at the upcoming World Cup in South Africa that she delivered an infamous lip-lock  on the spot to a woman bidding $140,000,  Kate took her sweet time getting up close and personal with Hosh Ibrahim.

via Daily MailMoss and kiss winner Ibrahim have been missing each other like ships in the night.

There’s going to be a build-up. I put loads of red lipstick on and I never wear red lipstick so he’s going to be stained.

‘Jamie said it has to have tongues for that kind of money but no, no tongues,’ she added. via Daily Mail

Moss professed to a tongueless delivery plan for her performance, but as frequently happens with Kate, it appears that her barely-repressed animalistic urges took over. 

Mr Ibrahim said he was not disappointed, saying his prize was ‘money well-spent’, adding ‘She tastes as good as she looks.’ Now how does he know that, if Moss didn’t open her mouth!

Looking for more dirt on British women, I found it. Prime Minister mum Sarah Brown also lurks on mumsnet.

Read her tribute to Ada Lovelace on her namesake day in Britain. A photo of Lovelace, a famous mathematician and daughter of Lord Byron hangs at No. 10 Downing Street. I wonder if we have any portraits of accomplished women hanging in the White House — besides First Ladies.

My personal observations about British women is that they’re very engaged in politics, the environment, good parenting, and the challenges of helping international women.

They may be immoral — not having the deeply-felt religious convictions of American women — but surely the Vatican could help fix that problem. Then we can all be soul sisters again.

Until then, beware of Yummy Mummy British women. They can definitely be dangerous and a menace to children, when not properly under the joke of civilization and high morals.

Let’s remember that the British Empire has essentially collapsed, leaving us riff raff perhaps? Didn’t the truly moral Brits come to America?

On reconsideration of the fact that the Royal Airforce sent the first female helicopter crew against the Taliban in Afghanistan, perhaps the Conservatives among us should cut the yummy mummies some slack … but not when you leave a Mummy Rocks charity event, with your 19-year-old son holding the news that Yummy Mummy Sadie Frost has … well, had it, so to speak.

Anne Calls the Vatican

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Yes, sir, this is Anne calling The Vatican. I would like to register a complaint about improper behavior …  Yes, sir. The Yummy Mummies in London — Kate Moss in particular, sir — need Pope Benedict’s divine guidance.  Yes … I know he’s busy, sir, but Kate’s corrupting our global morals, sir.

In the fashion industry, we can’t get her to stop taking her clothes off.  Her influence extends far beyond the British Empire, and now women are taking off their clothes all around the world. Even in Istanbul, your excellency.

How can I clean up the world if I can’t get Pope Benedict to help me. He could be the last man standing in this cess pool. What’s that? I must go it alone, for now… the pope is very busy.

Oh crumbs, sir! What’s that … I’m so tame compared to that Conservative Coulter woman? Yes, sir, I posted her words, sir. My mother would wash out my mouth with soap. No doubt about it… .I think the problem is that she spells her name without the ‘e’, and we all know that sophisticated women with high morals have the ‘e’. If her name was Anne Coulter, she wouldn’t speak that way, sir.

This is her parents’ fault she turned out like this. Plus only one-half of her family was Catholic, and I’m sure the ‘horse——’  comment about Canada’s legal system came from the non-Catholic part.

It’s the mixed-marriage problem all over again.

Yes, indeed, sir, it was pretty gross but you sometimes expect too much of high-minded Conservatives. Looks are deceiving, your excellency. Perfection is elusive. What’s that, sir. You know what I mean?

Alright, then, fix your current problems, your highness,but please hurry.

I want your undivided support that Kate Moss cannot take off her clothes in fashion media for one whole year. Promise, sir? Can you do some kind of Vatican decree, and I’ll take care of Facebook and Twitter. Got it. Well hurry sir, because liberals like Kate and British women in general are taking us all to hell, and I can’t stop the tide. These corrupting influences are a tidal wave.

OK, over and out, then. Kisses to all my friends in Rome. Bye. Anne

More Reading:

Vatican Issues Statement on NYT ‘Predator Priest Who Got Away’. Also docs posted at NYT website

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